


Paved with Good Intentions

by empresscomplex



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Delusions, F/M, Impregnation, Mental Instability, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:15:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22120009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empresscomplex/pseuds/empresscomplex
Summary: After reuniting with Dimitri, you realize things have changed. Trying to help, you inadvertently make things much, much worse.Reader is not Byleth, but a classmate.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Reader
Comments: 16
Kudos: 312





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As of writing this, I've only played up to Chapter 20 of the Blue Lion route, so if you're up to there then you'll be good to read this. Not a clue what happens in the other routes though! ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Nothing ever seemed to go as planned. It didn’t matter seem to matter how well you planned things out, or how far in advance you had thought, the Goddess had her own plan for you that you couldn’t seem to escape. Although the path she had made for you was winding and littered with pitfalls, you took consolation in knowing that her path aligned loosely with your own.

That wasn’t to stay that things didn’t turn out well. You were content with where you were in life even though it wasn’t what you had expected it to be. But no one was where they had expected to be in life anymore. No one had expected the Empire to declare war.

Although you hadn’t planned on staying long for the five year reunion, it had taken you no more than a few hours to decide to write home. Garreg Mach was in desperate need of cleaning after being neglected for five years but despite the mess you managed to find the things you needed to write a letter. Sitting in the library by candlelight, it had taken you longer to decide who to address the letter to than to write it. The ink on your quill went dry several times as you changed your mind.

Having gotten it down to only two people, you only made your decision upon imagining what their faces would look like upon receiving the letter. You couldn’t put your sister through that. Even though she was your elder sister, and elder by several years, you couldn’t help but look out for her. You always had and always would.

Unable to break the news to your sister, you addressed the letter to your father. Though he might not like the contents of the letter, he would undoubtedly understand and accept them. He would see, just as you did, that you had no option but to stay and help with the war effort.

While your father wasn’t a knight and had never as much as held a sword his entire life, he supported your ambitions. You hadn’t quite appreciated it enough even a few years ago, but having grown and having heard so many stories from your comrades about their family you realized how lucky you were. Having a father who was willing to give you the freedom to live your own life as opposed to dictating it for you.

Your father was a merchant, and a very successful one at that. Managing to corner the right market at the right time by importing tea from Brigid, your father had amassed enough gold to buy land at a young age. Your elder sister, your only sibling, was set to inherit that land. Your sister, and her husband who had married into the family, would take over the business as well as the land. As the younger sibling, there was nothing for you. It was an idea that you were used to, that all younger siblings got used to.

Your father had compensated for that by allowing you to become a knight. Although he would have preferred to arrange a marriage for you and to have you settle down, it was only because he would rather you be safe. He didn’t like the idea of you travelling across the continent, chasing conflicts. It was too dangerous. Yet, realizing that he would have let a son follow that passion and that you were the closest thing to a son he would ever have, he had folded after years of dismissing your pleas. He agreed to invest in your future and sent you to the academy at Garreg Mach for training.

It was the best investment he had made in all his years of business. Welcoming you home as a fully-fledged knight, he had never felt more proud. The naive young girl he had sent off was now a woman. 

But as happy as your reunion with your family was, the circumstances were far from ideal. With war having been declared by the Empire, there was an underlying stress to all of your conversations. Though your father’s territory was in Faerghus, it was remote and often overlooked. In that you could take some comfort at least.

While it was quite a feat for a commoner to have amassed so much land, it was a far cry from the territory or resources controlled by any of the surrounding Houses. Nonetheless, your father had organized a small militia to protect his holdings. It was mainly composed of farmers of the holding and surrounding area, but it was large enough to ward off any stray patrols.

Although you had only stopped by to celebrate your graduation and to check in on them following the declaration of war, you found yourself unable to leave. You had been offered a good leadership position in the military of one of the Houses but upon seeing how things were with your family, you couldn’t bring yourself to accept. As thrilling as leading a wyvern division would have been, something you had dreamt of often, you found yourself leading your father’s oddly assembled troops.

Your brother-in-law was kind, something you had been worried about for your sister, yet he had no sense when it came to anything other than business. In many ways, he was quite similar to your father. Though they had the charisma and diplomatic ability to recruit so many men, they didn’t know what to do with them. It took you the better part of a year to sort everything out, arranging horses and weapons to be brought in, and for some sort of ranking system to be arranged. It was a far cry from perfect but you took pride in what you had accomplished with so few resources and so little time.

Still, it felt like a losing battle. Every few months or two you would hear of more land being lost from the Kingdom and of more atrocities committed by the Empire. It was nothing more than a matter of time before your territory was taken. But even with that sense of dread, it wasn’t as if you could sit idly by and do nothing.

In the five years you spent protecting your family’s land there were only a handful of skirmishes, mainly bandits and thieves who thought they might find an easy target. They found no such thing. As grim as it was, the attacking thieves were almost a blessing. They posed little threat to your men, and brought goods along with them. Although you felt as if you should try to find the rightful owns of the goods, there was nothing to be done about it. Things had changed in Fódlan.

With so many changes happening the past five years, you found yourself questioning whether to make the trek to Garreg Mech for the reunion. Although you had sworn you would, with Dimitri dead and with the rest of your classmates scattered you didn’t see much of a point. Nonetheless, you had given your word, everyone had. And out of everyone, you had no excuse not to attend. Thanks to your wyvern, Cherche, the trip would take no more than a few days. Many of classmates had much longer trips ahead of them.

To your surprise, everyone showed up to the reunion. Everyone. That included Dimitri, who you heard had died. Though at first you weren’t quite convinced it was him, maybe nothing more than an imposter looking to benefit from the confusion of war, after hearing him speak there was no doubt in your mind. It was him in body at least. His personality a far cry from what it had once been, he was a ghost of the Dimitri you had known.

Was it fair to judge him for having changed so much when everyone else had changed as well? You couldn’t say for sure. Though others like Felix were far more open with their criticism of Dimitri, you held your tongue. He had been through so much in these past years. In the end you decided to withhold your judgment. Only just having been reunited with him, you needed more time to understand what the years had done to him. That being said, even when you did pass judgment, you would keep it to yourself. As close as they were, not even the Professor seemed to have any effect on Dimitri. Although you were close friends with Dimitri, or at least had been, your words would achieve even less.

Despite all of your reluctance surrounding Dimitri, you stayed. Although you could have spent a day or two to catch up with your classmates then returned to your family, you found yourself writing a letter to tell your family that you found yourself with no choice but to stay. It wasn’t out of obligation to the Kingdom, or even to Dimitri himself, but rather that it felt like the only right choice. Having returning to the monastery, you couldn’t leave again until you saw things through.

Looking at the letter you had written, you sighed. You couldn’t bring yourself to read it over. Not giving it as much as a onceover, you tied up and sealed the letter and paid a courier to deliver the letter to your family. It would take time to arrive, much longer than it would have for you to flown there in person and tell them yourself. While it would have been faster to break the news to them in person, you couldn’t risk getting trapped. In the letter you passed on leadership of the militia to your trusted second-in-command and sorted out a few smaller things, leaving your father with no choice but to accept your decision. In person he might be able to argue with you and ask you to stay but in writing there was no room for negotiation.

As the weeks went by after sending that letter you became accustomed to the routine of training and going off to battles and to how things were around the monastery. What you weren’t able to become accustomed to was the new Dimitri. Aside from that first encounter where everyone had been reunited you had barely seen, let alone had spoken to Dimitri. You saw him at the meetings and on the battlefield during excursions but almost never around the monastery. Once the meetings were over and the next course of action was decided upon he would disappear, not to appear again until his presence was next required.

Maybe it was for the best that you didn’t often see him. As time went by, you realized that his wounds ran far deeper than anything you have expected. Though you wouldn’t have expected him to emerge from things unscathed, you were concerned for him. It was difficult to see someone who you had been so close to, someone who you would consider a good friend, so obviously suffering.

Only adding to your fears for Dimitri, there were whispers about how he had spent the past five years. Though he was quite blunt about how he had spent his time “cleaning” the land of bandits and thieves, _how_ he did it was the subject of much debate. Most of the soldiers had some sort of story about the specifics of what Dimitri had done and you couldn’t bring yourself to listen to any of them. While you knew that they were likely nothing more than exaggerated gossip, stories to tell over a shared meal, you hated that you had no difficulty imagining any of them.

Although Dimitri was always at the back of your mind, you couldn’t focus only on him. You kept a careful eye on him in battle, intervening whenever he put himself in a perilous position but otherwise paid him no mind. You spent time in the stable tending to the horses and wyverns with Sylvain, practicing your technique with Ingrid, and running whatever other errands needed to be sorted. You didn’t mind. As hard as you had worked managed the militia back home, you felt more needed here, and like somehow even the smallest tasks made a difference.

But even with as many chores as you did and as tired as you should have been, you could never find sleep. You prayed for the Goddess to clear your thoughts and allow you to sleep peacefully and yet she granted you no such respite. Accepting it rather quickly, you decided that if you were to be awake you should at least be productive. It was difficult to be productive in the dark though. You would have liked to practice with your axe, run through drills or something to help wear yourself out, but the last thing you needed was to trip on something that you couldn’t see in the dark and injure yourself before a battle. Deciding on something far safer, you instead holed yourself up in the library and read about maneuvers and techniques you could practice when the sun came up. 

Once such night, poring over a book on disarming techniques, you were stirred from its pages. You were used to the sounds of the library, as few as there were. Occasionally a breeze from the hall would cause the flame of your candle to flutter and turn the pages of your book, or if the weather was poor you would hear the rain hitting the stone brick. Every so often you might hear a rat, causing you to reach for your axe. Tonight the sound was new, fabric and metal moving with no consideration. When you crept into the library you were quiet, careful not to bother anyone else who might be awake. Whoever else was awake right now was taking no such precautions. 

By the time you glanced up whoever it had been was gone, leaving you staring at the empty library entrance. The hall was lit by torches but because of the books the library itself was lit with faint spirit light, a much less warm light. You had a clear view of the hall; there was no one there. Just as you were about to go back to your book, you saw Dimitri walk past the library door, coming from the dead end of the hall. Walking rather quickly, only the distinctive cloak that he wore told you that it was him.

A long narrow hall, it did nothing more than connect the library to the rest of the building. Aside from coming to the library, there was no reason to be down this hall. Pondering it for a moment, you realized that you must have scared Dimitri out of using the library. That or he was patrolling.

A few more nights of library visits told you that your second guess was right. No matter what time you crept down to the library, Dimitri was never there. You would peek in, not wanting to scare him into leaving if he was around, but always found it empty. 

That wasn’t to say that you didn’t see Dimitri. You saw him three more times that week, and all three times were when he passed by the library just as he had the first night. Learning to listen for him, you would look up before he passed by. Though you were more or less certain it would be him, you didn’t want to be taken by surprise. Felix had scared you as you had been returning to your room one evening and the lesson he had been hoping to teach you had stuck.

Just once out of all the times that Dimitri had passed by did your eyes meet his. Most of the time he wouldn’t look at you, too focused on what he was doing, but just that once, perhaps accidentally, he cast a glance towards you. While it seemed as if he faltered for a moment, caught off guard by your presence, he continued on and you went back to your book. If it had been the Dimitri of old you would have called out and called him over to chat with you. Alone and bored, you would have welcomed the company and you were certain that he would have as well. Dimitri preferred to be alone with his thoughts now though and as much as you disagreed with that you had to respect it.

Despite how often you saw Dimitri, it was several more weeks before you exchanged words with him. Though the circumstances of your short conversation were odd to say the least, you were glad that it had happened. It was nice to hear his voice again.

If you had known that Dimitri and you would speak you would have assumed that it would be in the library. You would have assumed that he would stop by the door instead of passing by, and say something, if only to ask what you were doing up so late. To learn that he would speak with you somewhere else would have surprised you. By now it seemed almost foreign to see him somewhere that wasn’t a meeting or in the library at night.

Just like how you couldn’t believe that you were seeing Dimitri those few weeks ago outside the monastery, you couldn’t believe that you were seeing him in the meal hall. Not once since the reunion had you seen Dimitri in the meal hall. From how well he was doing in battle, you knew that he had to be eating, just not when everyone else did. But while you were glad that Dimitri was looking after himself despite what he was going through, you weren’t sure that you were glad to see him in the meal hall. No one was sure how they felt. As soon as he entered the hall it went completely silent. The usual chatter that filled the hall died off within moments of his arrival.

As busy as the hall was, if it had been anyone other than Dimitri no one would have noticed him enter, much less paid him any mind. But Dimitri set everyone on edge, including you. You tried not to pay him any mind as he moved but just as how you couldn’t help but watch him pass by the library door, you couldn’t help yourself now. Your eyes followed him as he picked up a tray and then walked towards the front of the line. No one seemed to have any objections, moving out of his way when he reached the front.

Watching him storm across the room, you found yourself questioning why he had come to the meal hall. You had assumed that he had been visiting the meal hall later in the evening once it had cleared out, and if that was the case something must have come up that forced him into eating now. You caught yourself frowning as you tried to remember whether there was a meeting tonight that had slipped your mind, but after thinking about it for a moment, you were certain that there wasn’t. Mercedes would have reminded you of it.

Not letting yourself get bothered by whatever Dimitri was doing, you set your sights on what was being served. You knew that it was supposed to be a meat dish today but weren’t sure what kind. With yesterday’s drills have gone so well, you hoped that you were being treated to steak. It had been far too long since you had eaten quality meat.

“(name),” a voice said from behind you, drawing your attention away from the food that you had been studying. Having been so long since you had heard that voice say your name, you didn’t recognize who it belonged to. It was a man’s voice but it wasn’t someone who you were familiar with like Sylvain or Felix, but that being said the voice wasn’t foreign to you either.

“Sit with me,” he told you, in as much of a whisper as he could manage. Although you realized who it was with those few added words, it was too late by the time you realized it. Leaving you no time to reply to what he had said, Dimitri had continued on, only stopping when he got to an almost empty table. The single soldier sitting at the table got up as Dimitri sat down, not needing to be asked.

If you had been further back in the line you had no doubt that you would have abandoned your spot and gone over to sit with him. While he had spoken slowly, as if he needed to know that you understood what he was saying, there was a sense of urgency in his words. Whatever he needed to speak to you about had to be serious.

Although today’s meal was in fact the steak you had been looking forward to, your appetite was long gone by the time you sat down across from Dimitri. You couldn’t imagine anything that Dimitri could say that would be good. It would be news of the war effort, maybe from your home, explaining why he had singled you out. It didn’t help that he didn’t greet you as you sat, not even glancing up to make sure that you were the person that he was expecting. He didn’t need to check. No one else would be foolish enough to intrude.

Glancing down at your steak, you considered cutting into it but found that you couldn’t bring yourself to reach for your cutlery. You had always found eating with someone else who wasn’t eating themselves to be a bit awkward, and with that other person being Dimitri, you had no chance of being able to bring yourself to eat. You could do nothing more than stare at your meal as it went cold. 

Perhaps sensing the unease, the silence was interrupted by your Professor. Passing behind Dimitri as he had done to you in the line, your Professor paused for a moment to whisper something to him. Though you couldn’t hear what your Professor had said, whatever it was it couldn’t have deserved the response that it got.

“Go away,” Dimitri spat, not even bothering to turn to look at the Professor as he did so. Your Professor hesitated for a moment, casting you a weary look, but nonetheless continued around the table and back to their seat.

Hearing the anger behind Dimitri’s words you began to reach out for your tray, ready to follow your Professor, but you gave up on any idea of leaving when he looked at you. His eyes had always carried a certain intensity to them and while he lost one of them in the five years since you had last seen him, it seemed as if the single eye that remained now had the intensity of both. Like you had locked eyes with a wolf, or more appropriately a lion, you couldn’t move an inch.

Dimitri was the first to move. Leaning in towards you, he set his elbows on the table and interlocked his hands together. With his hands covering the lower half of his face, you could make out even less of him. If there had been any hope of trying to get a read on him, there was certainly none now.

“Come to my quarters tonight.”

“Excuse me?” His words muffled by his hands, you couldn’t assume that you had heard him correctly. Especially when he had said something so unexpected.

“I can’t say it here,” Dimitri explained quietly. Though his eye had been trained on you, it drifted away from you as he spoke. The manner in which he was staring told you that he was looking at someone specific, but as much as you wanted to know who it was, you didn’t dare turn.

“I understand,” was all you could say. He wasn’t giving you much room to discuss it with him.

Although it was a bit of a weak reply, Dimitri seemed satisfied with it. You could see a hint of a nod but only because of how his hair moved. The hair that had once been looked after with such care had grown long and unkempt and now hung past his shoulders.

Everything apparently sorted, he rose to his feet without as much as a word. Dimitri left his tray on the table untouched, not caring to take it with him. He took one step, then a second, but stopped by the end of the table before continuing on. Risking a glance up at him, you found that he was looking down at you. For once you didn’t feel as if you had done something wrong. While most people would excuse themselves with their words, Dimitri was excusing himself with that last look. 

No sooner had Dimitri left the room than several of your classmates grabbed their trays and moved over to your table. If they had haled you, you would have taken your tray over and sat with them, but they decided to save you the trouble.

“What did he say?” Sylvain asked, sitting down where Dimitri had been mere moments ago.

There was no right answer. Answering truthfully seemed out of the question. With Dimitri having said so little, telling them that he had asked to speak to you in private would do nothing but cause unnecessary concern. With no idea as to what Dimitri needed to discuss with you, there was no cause for such concern yet. But if there was no cause for concern, then you should have no problem telling them what Dimitri had asked of you.

“He said that he was looking forward to arriving at Enbarr,” you told him. “Although in not as few words.” You couldn’t betray Dimitri. After keeping to himself for however long, if the first person he were to reach out to were to betray that trust, it wouldn’t be right. That being said, you were willing to reconsider your position depending on how your meeting with him went.

Years of convincing your father that your elder sister had been the one to break a plate or stain a rug paid off. Speaking casually, as if you were doing nothing more than relaying a message, no one had any reason to doubt what you had said. Sylvain shook his head, Mercedes cupped a hand against her cheek and sighed, and Felix grumbled, all appropriate reactions for what you had said.

“Doesn’t surprise me in the slightest,” Felix muttered. “For him to approach you like that, he revels in it.”

“Felix, please,” Ingrid sighed. It was no use. He would have said the same thing even if Dimitri were sitting at the table next to them. Although, hearing Ingrid’s complaint, Felix said nothing further on the matter. What he was saying didn’t need to be said. Everyone knew that Dimitri wasn’t well.

While there was nothing left to say, and most of your classmates having already finished most of their meal, they waited around for you to finish yours out of courtesy. Although you appreciated the gesture, you always wished that they hadn’t. You weren’t in the mood for small talk. You knew it was meant to distract you from what had happened but it did nothing more than make you more aware of what had happened and the meeting that was to come. More so than usual, you were glad to get back to your room.

If it had been a regular day, a day where you had only seen Dimitri in passing if at all, you would have headed to the training grounds before returning to your room. In your effort to fall asleep, you liked to exhaust yourself as best you could even though it didn’t seem to have any effect. It was good practice if not a sleep aid.

Tonight, you skipped it. The thought of heading to the training grounds and working on your axe work hardly registered as an option. Somehow, despite how short it had been, your conversation with Dimitri had worn you out. But only physically as luck would have it. The tension from earlier was lingering in your shoulders and back, and yet your mind was as alert as it was always was at this hour. Just once you would have liked to feel able to fall asleep.

At about the time you would have left your room for the library, you headed to Dimitri’s quarters. He hadn’t given you a time but since the two of you often met late at night, you had to assume that he had meant then. Late enough that only he and you would be awake.

Although all the doors were the same in the monastery, there was something intimidating about Dimitri’s. Maybe it was how it was at the end of the hall as opposed to on the sides or maybe how you had never been inside. You had been in many of the girls’ rooms, and at least seen the inside of many of boys’, but you couldn’t remember ever seeing Dimitri’s, even when the two of you had been classmates. Whatever the reason, you found it difficult to raise your hand to knock at the door.

Once you did work up the courage to knock at the door, Dimitri didn’t keep you waiting for long. Almost as soon as your hand touched the wood, he answered, the door opening ever so slightly. Seeing that it was you through the crack in the door, he opened the door and welcomed you inside. With the door closed, he leaned the lance he had been holding against the wall. You frowned but said nothing. The armour he was wearing told you enough.

Dimitri’s room was larger than yours but not outrageously so. While all the furniture was spread out further than in your room, there was no extra space that your room didn’t have. Your only gripe with it was that his bed was larger than your own, but reminding yourself that he was royalty, you couldn’t really complain. Many royals would have had far greater demands for their quarters.

“Sit,” Dimitri said, gesturing at the chair to his desk. There was nowhere else to sit in the room, leaving him standing. While you felt awkward sitting, you saw no choice but to.

“Could you have been followed?” he asked, wasting no time. He had asked you here for a reason, not to gossip.

“I don’t think so,” you replied. Though you were sure that he would have liked an answer with more certainty, you hadn’t thought to take any such precautions. However, since you had left your room earlier than you had intended to, sick of sitting around, you had taken the scenic route and you told Dimitri as much. He nodded, content with what you had said.

“I have a favour to ask,” he began. As the first words came, Dimitri found himself unable to stay still and took a step towards the window. Although the room was lit by candles, it was pitch dark out. He and you might be the only two people in Garreg Mach that were awake at this hour.

Although the two of you were alone and the walls were fortified stone, he spoke quietly. What he was saying could only be said to you. “There’s a spy among us, I’m certain of it.”

“Sent by the Empire.” The words burnt his lips. There had been no need to clarify, and you wished that he hadn’t. That word, among a handful of others, reopened wounds that had never healed to begin with.

Forcing himself to focus on why the two of you were here Dimitri continued on, speaking with less although not no animosity in his voice. 

“I need you to follow Senna and report back to me.”

“Senna?” There had to be a misunderstanding. You had known Senna for years. One of the Knights of Seiros, both Dimitri and you had known her for years.

“I would investigate myself but I believe a woman would cause less suspicion.” Showing no regard for your concern, Dimitri continued on to explain himself.

“It’s Senna,” you insisted, wringing out your hands as you spoke. “You know her, she’d never do something like that.”

“It’s her,” he muttered. Though you had feared that your words would upset him, his voice seemed to carry disappointment more than anything else. To him her treachery was as plain as day but he shouldn’t have expected you to believe him with no explanation. Even he knew that he must sound mad, making accusations without any evidence. Once he explained everything you would understand. 

“Details were leaked from last month’s meeting,” Dimitri told you, speaking carefully. The thought that the traitor had been sitting there next to him, mere feet away from him was almost too much to bear. Knowing that she would soon face justice was all that kept him calm. “And other details were leaked earlier. Senna and the Professor were the only people who knew about it all.”

“You weren’t at last month’s meeting,” he added, “and neither was Mercedes. I know it’s neither of you.”

Not hearing a reply, Dimitri turned around. Although he thought he might find you with your eyes cast down at your lap, unable to look at him, you were staring right at him. 

“(name),” he stressed, “you’re the only person I can trust with this.”

What were you supposed to say to that? Though you were glad that Dimitri trusted you enough to confide in you, you didn’t like what he was asking of you. To spy on someone you thought of as a close friend, as family even. It didn’t seem right.

“Or perhaps you sympathize with those cretins?” While the question began in a murmur, with each word his voice grew louder and louder. “With that bitch who--” 

“No, of course not,” you assured him. With each word he had spoken, his face had given away more and more of his anger, but your interruption was enough for him to catch himself. It wasn’t you that he was upset with; he shouldn’t take it out on you. “I was thinking that our schedules might make it difficult for me to keep track of her, that’s all.”

The lie came too easily but served you well. His face softened as he realized that you had come around. He had been right to approach you. 

“But what would you have me do?” you asked, not wanting him to linger on your hesitation any further. The accusation sent your way because of it had hurt more than you would ever admit. You had no love for Edelgard and the Empire. Faerghus was your home just as much as it was Dimitri’s.

“I need to know who she’s speaking with,” he answered. “And anything else that might be relevant.”

Apprehensive of what he was asking you to do but seeing nothing wrong with it, you agreed to keep track of Senna for the next week. There was nothing inherently wrong with keeping an eye on her. If she was free of guilt as you were certain that she was, then your observation would be for the best. It would clear her of suspicion and calm Dimitri’s concerns. After everything he had been through, giving up a week of your time was the least you could do for him.

“It should not need to be said, but do not inform anyone else of this,” Dimitri told you.

“Of course not, your highness.”

You didn’t need to see his expression to know that you had misspoke. It was easy to fall into old habits. Dimitri had chided you time and time again for referring to him by his title, and though you had gotten better at it than you had once been, even right up to your final days as a student it had slipped out.

“Dimitri,” he corrected you.

“Of course not, Dimitri.”

You thought that you could almost see a ghost of a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll posting the next chapters in the next few days. Just need a bit more editing, that's all.


	2. Chapter 2

The week that you spent trailing Senna was uneventful at best. Although you were glad that you found nothing of interest, you couldn’t help but feel that what you had to report to Dimitri wouldn’t assuage his concerns. You wanted to give a report that would clear the knight of suspicion but you didn’t know what you could have reported that would have calmed him. While a single conversation with the wrong person would be enough to raise suspicions, there was no conversation that could be had to erase that suspicion, except perhaps with Dimitri himself.

With no information that might convince Dimitri of Senna’s innocence, you found yourself with no choice but to present what you had collected in an as matter-of-fact manner as you could manage. Carrying the notes you had taken with you, you visited Dimitri at the same time of night that you had the week before.

The second time you met Dimitri, though he answered the door with lance in hand, he was markedly less on edge. Last week you had felt uncomfortable sitting and speaking with him. Watching his jaw clench and his shoulders slowly raise, you had felt the pain spread to your own body. Whether his anger was contagious or that you were too empathetic to his pain, you had woken up sore the following morning and stayed stiff for the rest of the week. Just as you had found you had regained your full range of motion, your second meeting with Dimitri was upon you. You were glad to find that he was in a far more relaxed state, for both your sakes.

However, though Dimitri was less tense than he had been during your initial meeting, he wasn’t at ease. Most of his stress had come from him worrying about whether or not you would agree to help him, and with that gone, only the matter of Senna was on his mind. But thoughts of Senna and her treachery brought the Empire to mind. It seemed that no matter what he did, he couldn’t escape such thoughts.

“Anything else aside from that?” Dimitri asked. You had told him the only thing of note that Senna had done to err from her usual schedule; helped Sylvain clean out the stables.

“She spent some time in the library reading,” you replied. “I wrote down what she read, but none of it seems relevant.”

“Tell me.” Standing by the window just as he had last week, Dimitri turned to look at you. You frowned but began to unfold the letter you had brought with you. There was no need for him to cast you such a look. You didn’t mind sharing the titles with him, just thought them irrelevant. 

“On Monday, she read from ‘The Lance and its Applications on the Battlefield’,” you told him, reading from the paper. Letting the title hang in the air for a moment and getting no acknowledgment from Dimitri, you went on to the next. You weren’t sure whether Senna had been looking for a specific book and had been unable to find it or was just indecisive, but she had read more than a couple different books. You got about halfway through the list before you paused. Dimitri seemed far more focused on whatever lay outside than what you were saying.

“Continue,” you heard, only a moment later. Failing to catch your frustration before it showed on your face, you were glad he had his back to you. You felt that reading the list was nothing more than a waste of time. If Senna had been reading books about the Empire or espionage you would have brought them to his attention, but all Senna seemed to read about was weaponry and occasionally romance.

Just as you were about to take a breath and resume reading the book titles despite your reluctance to, another word from Dimitri caused you to falter. 

“Please.”

Though it was no more than a single word it was enough to make reading the list more tolerable, if only a little. He had been listening after all. Finding more of a purpose in what you were doing, you found it easier to speak.

Staring out the window without any real purpose, although it didn’t seem like it, Dimitri was listening. He was taking every word and every syllable of what you were saying to heart. Even reading a list of titles that you had no interest in, your voice was pleasant to listen to. Anyone else would have become tired of such a mundane task and would have let their boredom reflect in their voice, but not you. You kept reading as if you hadn’t already read out a dozen titles.

When you stopped speaking for the second time Dimitri knew that you must have reached the end of your list. Though you were glad to have gotten through the list, Dimitri found himself wishing that there were more items on the list, if only a few. The room had gone silent, making it easier for the other whispered voices to be heard. He grimaced at what they said. There was no need for them to remind him of what he needed to. He couldn’t possibly forget.

“I suppose we can’t be certain of things as of yet,” Dimitri muttered. Though he was loath to admit it, he couldn’t act yet. While he was certain that Senna was the traitor that he was looking for, he needed proof to convince the others. “But I look forward to severing the tongue that she sold us out with.”

You offered Dimitri a smile as he turned away from the window, deciding not to acknowledge what he had said. The anger was directed towards the Empire, not necessary Senna herself.

Although the room wasn’t large, he took a couple of short steps, closing the distance between the two of you. Stood before you, he was impossibly tall. If you had been standing you would have taken a step or two to make it easier to see him, but sitting in the chair you weren’t able to.

“(name),” Dimitri said. “Continue following Senna.”

You wanted to say no. Although keeping track of her wasn’t very difficult, nor did it take up much of your time, it wasn’t the act yourself that bothered you. It was the thought that you were enabling Dimitri somehow. Although you had agreed to help him because you thought it might help, you weren’t sure whether you were achieving what you had set out to accomplish. But maybe it was wrong to expect that you could undo years’ worth of trauma in an evening.

Though Dimitri didn’t say anything, you could tell that you couldn’t keep him waiting any further. You could debate with yourself later.

“Of course,” you replied. 

\---

Things went about the same the following week, although with far fewer book titles. Dimitri welcomed you into his quarters and sat you down, and listened as you ran him through Senna’s schedule. While it didn’t vary much from the week before, he insisted that you walk him through things. You didn’t mind.

What you hadn’t expected after last week’s meeting was how quickly you fell asleep afterwards. Returning to your own quarters late at night, once you were in bed it hadn’t taken you long to fall asleep. More than what reading in the library did for you, speaking with Dimitri had exhausted you. Perhaps it was the monotony of what you were saying. But it didn’t matter, it was the end result that mattered.

And so when Dimitri asked you to tell him the full details of something that Senna had done, or to elaborate on something you had said, you had no problem doing so. It seemed that your words put him at ease, just as you hoped they would. Even if they didn’t, you were glad that he was chatting with you. Years of isolation wasn’t healthy.

Finishing up your recount of Senna’s week, and getting no further comments from Dimitri, you spoke.

“Dimitri,” you said, causing him to look over at you. Although it was as dark as ever, he had been staring out the window. “Couldn’t we bait her with false information? Wouldn’t that be simpler?”

With plenty of time to think about the situation with Senna, you had realized that it might be easier to entrap her than wait for her to out herself with a mistake. A small meeting with Senna and only a handful of other people who were known to be loyal would solve everything. If the false information was leaked then the traitor could be no one else but Senna, but if the Empire didn’t act on the information then it would be reasonable to begin looking for the traitor elsewhere.

“I don’t want to risk her discovering that she’s been found out,” he replied, shaking his head. “She’s smart.” Though honest, the words left a bitter taste in his mouth. “She’ll know that she’s being set up.”

“We can’t risk Senna learning that we’re onto her,” he said. A cornered rat always lashes out, something Dimitri had learned all too well in the past few years.

When you didn’t say anything, he turned around.

“You understand, don’t you?” In stark contrast to his usual self, Dimitri was looking at you eagerly. All he needed to hear was that you agreed with him, no more than a word or two. He and you were alone in this, you couldn’t argue amongst yourselves.

“I need to bring her to justice,” he insisted. “To bring them all to justice.” As difficult as it was not to let himself slip further into his own thoughts, he held the words back for your sake. Though you were reluctant when it came to Senna, he knew that you knew that you shared his feelings towards Edelgard and the Empire. Others in the monastery didn’t understand, but you did. You understood that Senna was nothing more than a first step on his path of revenge.

“We will,” you promised him. The tone of your words warned him that you weren’t finished speaking, leaving him apprehensive about what you were about to follow it up with. His concern disappeared when you spoke. “But we need to be certain that it’s Senna.”

When Dimitri nodded, you felt your heart flutter. So worried that he might find offense in what you had said, you couldn’t have been more relieved by his reaction. The blind rage that he had fallen into was beginning to fade, even if only a little. The Dimitri of a few weeks ago hadn’t even been willing to entertain the thought that the traitor wasn’t Senna.

Promising him that you would continue to keep watch over Senna, Dimitri and you parted for the night after only a bit more discussion. Making no progress on your investigation into Senna, you took satisfaction in how much better things were going with Dimitri.

\---

Just as that night’s meeting got nothing accomplished in regard to Senna, neither did any of the following half a dozen or so meetings. You would talk Dimitri through what Senna had done and after discussing it until there was nothing else to say, the two of you would part ways for the week.

Although the two of you began to chat about more than Senna during your meetings, Dimitri and you never exchanged words during the week. When the two of you passed each other, though he might look as if he wanted to say something, not once did he act on it. He would nod towards you, just an acknowledgment, before continuing on. As small a gesture as it was, you appreciated it. Dimitri showed no such kindness to anyone else in the monastery, not even the Professor.

As the two of you spoke during one of your meetings, you were leaned back in your chair. Though you couldn’t bring yourself to recline, you were no longer sitting at the edge of your chair as you once had been. Although you hadn’t bothered to keep track of how many times the two of you had met, it was enough that you had begun to feel comfortable around each other again. Dimitri didn’t answer the door with his lance, nor did he linger by the window you spoke. Things weren’t as they had been five years ago and while they never would be, you were happy with things were between Dimitri and you. He trusted you enough to speak openly with you, sharing things with you had he wouldn’t dare share with anyone else.

“She kept to her schedule this week,” you told Dimitri with a sigh. After so many weeks of watching Senna, you felt as if you knew her better than you did yourself. If Dimitri gave you a day of the week and a time, you would be able to tell him where Senna was supposed to be.

“But she did go to the markets on Wednesday,” you added. Having given up his habit of staring out the window during your meetings, Dimitri was standing in front of you, looking down at you. For whatever reason, you didn’t mind it as much as you once had. No longer did he loom over you. When he stood before you, it was as a friend once again.

Dimitri didn’t need to ask you to continue.

“She bought a hair clip from the traveling merchant that stopped in.”

“And you’re sure of this?” Dimitri snapped, taking you by surprise. Content just to listen to you speak, it was the first time he had spoken all night.

“Yes,” you replied quietly. Though you didn’t break eye contact with him, the sound of scraping steel gave away how Dimitri clenched his fist. Even as his fist began to shake, he kept his eye locked on you, unmoving. Cool as ever, his eye gave nothing away but you could see the anger growing in the rest of his face. His jaw held so tight, you were surprised that you couldn’t hear his teeth grinding together.

Just as you began to sit up your seat, about to make a move for the door, Dimitri looked away. It was nothing more than a flash in the pan. No sooner than Dimitri had clenched his fist did he let it fall open. The tension left his body alongside a quiet, almost imperceivable sigh. 

Bending down before you, Dimitri offered you his hand. Though the fire had burnt out, the coals were smouldering, and you felt as if you might be burnt were you to take his hand. Nonetheless, you wanted to take it. Finally, after months of confiding in you, he was reaching out to you. You wouldn’t dream of pulling away.

Still wearing his gauntlets, as you set your hand into his hand you found that it was as cold as ice. You felt no sign that there was someone living underneath the armour. Careful not to pinch your hand, Dimitri wrapped his fingers around yours. If he had thought to take off his gauntlets, he would have. Until he had taken your hand into his, he didn’t realize how badly he wanted to feel its warmth. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this close to anyone.

“I appreciate your help,” he murmured, squeezing your hand as much as his armor would allow. It wasn’t much but you could feel the gesture. “I’m not sure what I would do without you, (name).”

Although neither of you wanted to pull away, Dimitri let go of your hand. With the revelation about Senna’s visit to the market there were other things to discuss. Although Dimitri had thoughts that he kept to himself while you had been speaking, he asked you a handful of questions though they seemed only tangentially related. The only thing of note that he asked was whether or not you had seen the hair clip since Senna had purchased it. It was a fair question. You hadn’t, though that didn’t mean anything. Senna had family, and plenty of friends.

Things finished as they always did, with Dimitri asking you to continue on as you had been. It was nothing more than a formality. You expected to continue trailing Senna until the matter was sorted. While Dimitri had been the one to suspect Senna, you were just as entwined in the matter as he was now. You had been from the moment he had invited you to speak with him.

As you left his room, returning to yours, it felt as if the coolth of his gauntlets was still wrapped around your hand. Oddly, you were glad the feeling lingered, almost as if it was proof of your meeting.

While you didn’t know who was responsible for keeping the torches in the hall lit, you were grateful for it. As dark as it should have been at this time of night, you had no problem making your way down the hall. Even still you moved carefully, fearing that you might trip on a loose floorboard. Time hadn’t been kind to the monastery.

Watching your feet more than your surroundings, you didn’t realize that you weren’t alone until it was too late to do anything about it. If you had noticed your Professor sooner, you would have gone down another hall or pretended to suddenly remember something, anything to prevent the encounter.

It wasn’t that you didn’t like your Professor, quite the opposite. They were understanding, almost to a fault, and had listened to many of your concerns over the years. You were thankful for how they had looked out for you, and what they had taught you. However, you didn’t want to have the conversation you knew they were looking to have with you.

You would be a fool not to see it coming. Your Professor had tried to reach out to Dimitri, to bridge the gap that time had created but found no footholds. While others in the monastery might not have realized it, knowing both Dimitri and you well enough, the Professor knew that you were their best chance at getting through to him. They had seen the subtle nods, and how Dimitri looked towards you whenever he spoke, even if you didn’t realize it yourself. You were the only person he showed as much as a hint of care towards.

Standing before you in the otherwise empty hall, your Professor pleaded with you silently. You wanted to help. You would have loved for everything to be like it had been years ago, or at least to have that same sense of camaraderie now. But speaking to the Professor openly meant betraying the trust that Dimitri had placed in you. He had told you many things in confidence, many things that you wouldn’t dare repeat to anyone else nor felt the desire to. They were his personal feelings, something not meant to be shared.

So when the Professor spoke, asking after Dimitri, you couldn’t speak as freely as you knew they would have liked you to. 

“He’s been improving,” you told them. It wasn’t a lie. Dimitri was far better than he had been when everyone had been reunited. In time, though you weren’t sure how long, you knew he would allow the wounds to heal.

Maybe sensing the hesitancy of your words, the Professor didn’t press the matter. They nodded, and after telling you that you could come visit them whenever you needed to, they left. You never took them up on their offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized after posting the first chapter that dividing the story into 4 chapters for the 4 support ranks might have been neat but oh well.
> 
> S support next chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

You didn’t see Dimitri again until your next meeting, not even in passing. Usually you would see him around the monastery even though you didn’t go to the library nearly as often as you used to. If there had been any sort of meeting to organize the group’s next course of action you might have seen him there, but with the next excursion already decided upon and planned out there was no such meeting, giving you no opportunity to see him.

Near the end of the week you considered going to check on Dimitri but after an afternoon of thinking it over, you decided against it. As much as had happened between Dimitri and you, he had never approached you outside of your scheduled meetings. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to you but rather that he couldn’t afford to raise any suspicions. Once Senna was taken care of, he would be glad to spend more time with you.

The week passed slowly, and you were relieved when it came to a close. Though usually you looked forward to the end of the week because you would get an afternoon off, you found that you were looking forward to checking in with Dimitri far more than the time off. Having been so worried about him, even your time off hadn’t been restful. While you could have been resentful for making you worry, you knew the concern as all your own.

Dimitri didn’t answer the door when you knocked, leaving you even more concerned. Not once in all your meetings had he taken more than a moment to let you in. Sometimes he answered almost immediately, as if he had been standing by the door, waiting patiently for you to arrive. You didn’t think that you had ever been late enough to warrant that sort of response but the later in the night it was, the harder it became to keep track of time.

Finally, after keeping you waiting for far too long, you heard him call you in. To say you were reluctant to enter would be an understatement. As simple an action as it was, you had never let yourself into the room before. Even being invited in, it didn’t feel right. You felt as if you were intruding.

Opening the door only slightly and peering into the room, you saw that Dimitri was by the window. Completely motionless, he stared out into the night. There was a sliver of a moon but the light it gave was negligible. While a full moon might have provided some light, the burning candles were the only source of light tonight.

What surprised you more than his return to his old habit was that there was no trace of his armour until you stepped into the room. While he had his lance leaning against the wall next to him, both his armour and his cloak were hung up on the other side of the room. It didn’t make much of a difference to you. Even without his armour, Dimitri was as imposing a presence as ever.

Though he heard the door shut behind you, Dimitri didn’t turn. He remained as he was, seemingly lost in his thoughts. Not wishing to disturb him, you stayed silent. He could take his time. You were in no rush to leave. 

“I’m certain it’s her,” you heard him say. Although enough time had passed that you couldn’t help but find relief in what he said, you didn’t like what he was saying. You hadn’t seen Dimitri this past week for a reason. Something had happened.

Sensing that there was more to come, you waited for him to continue. 

“I spoke to the merchant.” Though simple words, they were deceptively so. Dimitri hadn’t visited the market to shop.

“It can’t be a coincidence that he’s departing two weeks before our next excursion. Plenty of time to get word to the Empire…” With that, he trailed off. There was no need for him to explain things any further. You of all people understood.

“Couldn’t it be a coincidence though?” was what you wanted to say but didn’t dare to. It was nothing more than wishful thinking. There were far too many coincidences when it came to Senna.

Instead of speaking you took a step towards Dimitri, letting your boots hit the brick firmly. You needed him to know that you were approaching. It was done out of nothing more than courtesy. You doubted that you could ever frighten Dimitri.

If he was bothered by what you were doing, he didn’t show it. He let you continue, stopping only when the two of you were no more than a few steps left between you.

“We’re surrounded by rats,” he muttered. While his voice was loud enough for you to hear, the words didn’t seem meant for you. “It’s infested.”

“Dimitri,” you whispered, taking another one more step towards him. You knew what he was saying, and didn’t care for it. Once the matter of the spy was sorted, everything would be fine within the monastery. There was no need to get carried away.

“It has to be done,” he said, shaking his head gently. Although he sounded calmer now than moments ago, the burden he had to bear came through in his voice. There was a weight to his words.

“(name),” Dimitri called as he twisted to look at you. He heard you take a few steps but knew that you weren’t upon him quite yet. Only looking at you out of the corner of his eye, he didn’t bother to turn around to face you.

Although you hadn’t been moving, you froze as you were. Despite how little of him you could see, it was almost too much to bear. After months of talking to Dimitri, months of helping him in his pursuit of the traitor, why were you only realizing everything now? The eye that was looking at you wasn’t that of someone of sound mind. Having once been crystal clear, you saw nothing behind that eye. The colour had dulled, not letting you look through.

Perhaps Felix was right. Perhaps you weren’t looking at a human at all but rather an animal, or even a ghost. Whatever Dimitri was, he wasn’t who you had thought him to be. He wasn’t well. It had been arrogant to believe that you could do anything to help him, you saw that now. Although Dimitri might have viewed it as a betrayal, answering your Professor honestly would have been the right thing to do. They could have helped far more than you could have. Looking into Senna had achieved nothing more than fueled the flames of his paranoia.

You couldn’t help but take a step backwards. Reaching your hand behind you, you were looking for the door knob. You needed to get to the Professor as quickly as possible. You had wasted enough time trying to help Dimitri by yourself.

Even before you had the thought of stepping away, Dimitri was already moving, something that was clear only in hindsight. His shoulders had been twisting back towards you, and his legs had been pivoting his body towards you, all things that you should have known to look for. If the two of you had been on the battlefield you wouldn’t have made such a mistake, but in the monastery, a place that you considered a home, you weren’t on guard.

With your non-dominant hand reaching for the door knob, Dimitri grabbed ahold of your other arm. You winced as he yanked you towards him, tripping over your own feet as you went. Once you caught yourself you followed him without any resistance, letting him draw you back into the room. 

“Where are you going?” he spat, choking on his words. He hadn’t meant for them to come out as loudly as they had.

“I assumed things were finished,” you lied, looking up at him. Your arm being held above your head, it was near impossible for you to look anywhere else. 

As badly as your arm already hurt, you had to be thankful that he wasn’t wearing his armour. Not wearing any armour yourself, you didn’t want to think about what his grip would have done to your arm. There would be bruises on your arm when you woke up tomorrow but at least your arm wouldn’t be broken.

“No, not yet,” he replied. Either satisfied with what you had said or realizing what he had done, Dimitri loosened his grip on your arm, letting it fall back to your side. Still, though you were more comfortable as you were, you would have preferred that he let go of you altogether.

“Stay with me,” Dimitri whispered, his lips barely moving. Unable to form any semblance of even a syllable in reply, you shook your head.

“I know you were close to Senna,” he muttered. “I can’t risk it.”

“Hardly close,” you said with a nervous laugh. Although you would consider Senna a friend, you considered all the Knights of Seiros friends, even those you didn’t often talk to you. Their goals aligned with yours and they were pleasant enough to be around. You knew Senna better than the rest but you wouldn’t consider the two of you close. It would have been awkward asking her to come around for tea or anything like that.

“I can’t risk it,” he repeated. 

“Dimitri, please,” you urged him, trying to pull your arm away. While he heard your plea, he did nothing more than shake his head. Finally having what he believed was enough evidence to act upon, Dimitri couldn’t waste the opportunity that he had been given. He trusted you more than anyone else alive, but he couldn’t trust you not to take this away from him. As loyal as he knew you to be, you were kind to a fault and were quick to sympathize. He had to deal with Senna himself now. Although he wouldn’t rest until he had Edelgard’s head, Senna’s would give him some clarity of mind.

“I’ll deal with her tomorrow,” he told you. “Stay here tonight.”

There was no point in arguing with him, in fact it would be dangerous to do so. Dimitri wasn’t asking you to stay, he was telling you what you would be doing. You could argue it if you wanted but it would only serve to make things worse. Slipping away tomorrow and warning Senna and the Professor was your best course of action, as risky as it was. 

Watching you nod, Dimitri let go of your arm but kept his hand against your arm. Though faint he could feel the warmth of your skin with the tips of his fingers. He kept his eye locked on you. There was no need for him to look down. He knew what he would see if he did, a red mark already beginning to bloom. Dimitri withdrew his hand. He hadn’t meant to use all of his strength. You were a strong woman and a skilled fighter, but you were still only a woman.

Half-expecting him to return to the window, that was far too optimistic. He wasn’t going to move until you did and in a direction that he approved of. He wasn’t about to let you move towards the door, even if only by a single step.

Before you took that first step, you leaned in the direction that you were about to move, warning him of where you were headed. Dimitri didn’t say anything, nor did he reach out for you, and let you pass him by. You walked across the room without issue.

As late as it was, there was at least several hours before the sun began to rise, and even longer until the day began. It would be a long night but with plenty to think about, the time would pass quickly. 

Beginning by collecting yourself, you decided on your course of action. Though you had made up your mind on what you would do in the morning, you didn’t know what you would do when you got to your Professor. You needed to put your thoughts into words, to convey your concern correctly. Dimitri was sick. It was a sickness that had to be handled in the right way, lest his condition worsen. Some part of you had known that all along, and you cursed yourself for believing that you could be the one to help him.

Catching your heart begin to quicken, you forced yourself to breathe. Panicking wouldn’t help. Your mind needed to be clear if you were to sort this. Maybe it was best not to linger on your thoughts. Surely your Professor would understand even if your words weren’t eloquent. They had been trying to reach out to Dimitri for so long. They wouldn’t dismiss him as mad but would see that he needed help.

Now more than ever you felt the starkness of the room. There was nothing to do. No bookshelf, no letters on the desk, nothing. Not even the sheets of the bed looked as if they had been touched. The armour in the corner served as the only sign that the room was lived in. That and the lance that was resting against the wall. 

Nearly pristine, if you hadn’t known that the lance had seen countless battles, you wouldn’t have known. Although Dimitri had neglected himself, he had taken care of his weapon. The candlelight reflected off of it just as brightly as the day it had been forged.

Hanging from the pole of the lance, just below the spear, were a couple strips of fabric. Though their colour had been taken from them by time and stained dark by blood, you recognized them. You remembered braiding the pieces with Mercedes. In a moment of free time, the two of you had made ornaments for your classmates. Even now yours was hanging from your axe, just as Dimitri’s was hanging from his lance; a remnant of the past the two of you had shared. The fabric was faded and frayed but was still there nonetheless. 

“It’s a fine weapon,” you heard Dimitri whisper. He was behind you and was getting closer judging by the sound of his boots against the wood. With him already too close to you, it was too late for you to shy away. Although you could turn around and try to move to somewhere else in the room to avoid him, there wasn’t enough time left. All you would achieve was getting turned around and nothing more. Unable to bear looking at him any further, you stayed as you were.

His gaze having drifted past you and towards his lance, Dimitri had to force himself to look back at you. Although he was grateful to that weapon for the battles it had carried him through, he couldn’t linger on the thought of it. He didn’t want to think about the people he needed to kill or the people he was yet to avenge. He wanted his thoughts to be his own, for the voices of his ancestors to go quiet, if just for a moment. He wanted to be alone with you.

“It’s served me well,” he continued. “As have you.” Though he spoke with kindness, the words hurt. To be compared to the lance was no compliment. As untouched as it appeared, wielded by Dimitri the lance had taken countless lives.

With nowhere else to look, you shut your eyes for a moment. You didn’t want to be reminded of what you had done. To err is human but what you had done could not be smoothed over so easily.

“Dimitri,” you began, but that was all you said. More than just losing the nerve to say it, you lost whatever you had been about to say. It was as if the thoughts had never existed in your mind to begin with. A hand was on you. It wasn’t touching at your arm, trying to silently apologize like you might have expected. The hand was on your hip, resting there as if it had a right to be.

“I’m not sure what I would do without you,” you heard him whisper. As he spoke, he ran his fingers back and forth, as if he was trying to work himself through his words. Not used to using his hands for something so delicate, while it was difficult for him to move as gently as he was, the longer his spent touching you the more natural it became. He didn’t have to think about what he was doing.

“Dimitri,” you repeated. This time, same as the last, you didn’t get past his name. If you had spoken, he would have listened, yet you said nothing. You didn’t have the power to.

“(name),” he murmured, breaking the silence. A reaction that you couldn’t control, you felt the fine hairs on the back of your neck raise. No one had ever spoken your name in such a voice before.

Moving slowly as if not to frighten you, another hand touched your hip. Though you had no plans on moving, they would have held you in place if you were to get the urge. After waiting so long, he couldn’t bring himself to let go of you no more than he could stop his hands from moving. Slipping them underneath your shirt, he began to move them upwards.

His hands moved without any conscious thought, following the curves of your body as they travelled. As desperate as they were to learn your body, they took their time, not missing anything. Though you never wore armour when you visited him, your clothes gave nothing away. They hid the muscles you had earned thanks to years of training and they hid the shape of your body and the softness of your skin, all things that Dimitri could have only imagined, and had imagined often. Although Dimitri had asked for your help with Senna because he trusted you, it would be a lie to say that other things hadn’t coloured his judgment. 

As his hands roamed they came across the occasional scar, each with their own story. He would run the tips of his fingers across each of them as if he was apologizing for it. While he wasn’t responsible for any of them, he wished that they weren’t there. He couldn’t help but wonder how many you had earned fighting for him. At the very least he would make sure that you didn’t earn any more.

In his hands, you felt impossibly small. Pausing with his hands resting your ribs, only moving his fingers, Dimitri could feel you move as you breathed. Just a bit quicker than it should have been, you were just as nervous as he was.

Sliding his hands higher up your chest, he gave a tentative squeeze. While you worked hard to hold your breath in, Dimitri made no such effort. His breaths were hard and heavy, rustling your hair. It took everything he had for his hands not to show the same desperation. He wanted nothing more than to take more of your breasts into his hands, and to move them with more fervour, but held himself back, deciding instead to move closer towards you. Despite what his gauntlets would have done to his arm, you thought that you might prefer that he was wearing his armour now. At least then you wouldn’t be able to feel what you felt as he pressed himself against you.

Despite how long it had taken for his hands to reach your breasts, apparently satisfied his hands fell back down your body in a matter of seconds. Feeling his hands descend, you thought or hoped that they would part with you but found that they returned to where they had been resting earlier, although now skin was touching skin. If the shirt that you were wearing was just an inch or two shorter, his hands wouldn’t have stayed underneath the shirt. They would have had to leave your shirt to come to rest on your hips. The length of the shirt you had chosen to wear today, nothing more than a poor coincidence, meant that Dimitri didn’t have to pull his hands out from beneath your shirt for them to be where he wanted them to be.

Just as he had been feeling you breathe earlier, it was your turn to do so now. His arms wrapped around you, you felt each his chest move against you. Though his arms were as tense as ever, his breathing was more regular than your own. Both your heart and your breathing grew faster when Dimitri moved.

His right hand, the hand that was farthest from the bed, pressed against you. While once might have been an accident, the second time made his intentions more than clear. It wasn’t a squeeze meant to reassure you but rather gentle encouragement for you to move. As Dimitri put more force behind his third attempt, you found yourself looking at the lance that you had come over to admire. It was no more than a couple of feet away, well within arm’s reach. If you were to reach for it, there was no question that you would get to it before he did.

You dismissed the thought as quickly as it had come. There were more than a few flaws with that plan. The lance itself was the biggest issue. In close quarters like these a lance was all but useless. There was no room to move or position yourself. Furthermore, you couldn’t remember the last time you had used a lance. It must have been in training years ago, but having fallen for the axe you had devoted yourself to that weapon instead. If it were an axe before you, you might have been able to bring yourself to reach for it. But it was a lance, the weapon that Dimitri had a lifetime of experience with. You wouldn’t dare.

Despite all the issues with that short-lived plan, the most glaring problem was that the person who you were considering turning the weapon towards was Dimitri. You would never be able to raise a weapon towards him nor more than you could raise a sword towards your sister. The circumstances, no matter how unfortunate, didn’t change how you felt.

Looking away from the lance, you followed the guidance of his hand and moved towards the bed. Moving as slowly as you could, you sat down on the edge. Much more expensive you’re your own, though the bed should have been more comfortable you couldn’t seem to get settled.

As intently as he had been watching you, Dimitri turned away upon hearing a sudden sound. While you didn’t hear it, Dimitri glanced towards the window. Looking away for only a moment, he turned back to look down at you. Though he had thought that he had heard an interjection as he often did when the two of you were talking, no such sound had come from the window. The night was utterly silent aside from the breaths that you were exchanging with him. He was thankful for the silence. He knew what he was doing and needed no further guidance.

Dimitri didn’t move to follow you until you glanced up him, leaving you wishing that you hadn’t. It hadn’t been meant as an invitation. Right up until now, everything could have been a misunderstanding. Dimitri could have been planning to watch over you as you slept, waiting until the two of you could confront Senna tomorrow. Feeling the bed dip as Dimitri sat down, the reality of what was happening began to settle in.

“What if we dealt with Senna tonight?” you asked quietly. Though you were still wearing your boots, you pulled your feet up from the floor and onto the bed. You needed something between the two of you. Giving just a bit more time Dimitri would realize that what he was doing wasn’t right. “Wouldn’t that solve everything?”

Dimitri shook his head at the suggestion, and perhaps reminded by yours, reached down to take off his own boots. One boot hit the floor, then the other. The sole of one of the boots landing against the floorboards, it was loud, but not loud enough to bother whoever was sleeping in the room below.

“I need to see her face as I do it,” Dimitri muttered, continuing to undress. He clenched his jaw to catch the words he had been about to continue on to say. This wasn’t the time nor the place to talk about such things.

Lifting his shirt over his head, his hair lost what little semblance of order it had. He let the shirt fall to the side and before brushing the hair to the side. Looking at you through his hair, Dimitri wished for nothing more than to be able to see you with both his eyes. Resting on his bed next to him, it was as if you had been sent to him by the Goddess herself. Even in the dim light he could make out every inch of your face, the features that he had studied so carefully these past few weeks. So beautiful, his memories didn’t do you justice. 

Your face was flushed and grew redder when he set a hand on your ankle. It was time for you to catch up with him. 

In comparison to everything he had done, removing your boots wasn’t the worst offense by far. Boots didn’t belong in bed anyway. It was when Dimitri began moving towards you, reaching for the hem of your shirt that you became uncomfortable. It wasn’t right for him to see you like that.

You struggled to keep it on but it wasn’t for anything more than show. Dimitri got the shirt over your head after only a moment of arguing with you over it. Though you could have decided to drag things out and to buy yourself more time to think, you didn’t. You let Dimitri do as he pleased. Your shirt was dropped off the bed, falling next to your boots.

Covering your bare chest with your arms, Dimitri and you stared at each other. Looking you dead in the eyes, his gaze was unwavering even as he continued to move. Returning to your hip, his hand didn’t linger for even a moment.

“Dimitri, you’re not thinking clearly,” you told him, trying to angle yourself away from him. Letting him take off your shirt had been a concession; you weren’t about to let things continue so easily. “You’re not well.”

“Don’t put thoughts in my head,” he spat, glaring at you. He had had enough of that without you pitching in. “My thoughts have never been more clear.”

Despite what you had said, he kept pulling his hand back towards him. Moving a little, he began moving his other hand towards you. If one hand wouldn’t do it, two would. And they did. Even though you gave up on hiding your chest, it was too little too late. It had been a lost cause from the moment his hand had touched your hip.

Although he knew that he should finish undressing himself, unable to help himself Dimitri laid himself down on the bed. While you tried to bring your legs up to stop him from getting on top of you, once he put weight behind what he was doing, you had no choice but to let your legs fall to the side. Both of you grappling with each other, the position that the two of you ended up in was far from ideal. Nonetheless, Dimitri was holding you in his arms. That was all that mattered. He could hear your heart racing, feel your chest rising and falling with each breath, and he could smell the soap of the bathhouse on your skin. No matter where he set his hands you were warm and soft. You were alive.

Little by little he moved you, careful not to try too much at once. As excited as he was, he found that he didn’t mind it. The longer that he spent moving you, the more of your body he touched and saw. Your hands set against his chest to keep him away, when he looked down he could see your breasts. They looked as perfect as they had felt in his hands. It was a shame that he had had to let go of them, even though it had been to get you like this. They were soft and fit his hands just right, as if they had been made for them.

Finally, Dimitri froze. The two of you were just as he wanted you to be; you lying flat on your back and him hunched over you, his face just mere inches from your breasts. His hands splayed across your chest, he held you still as he lowered himself down towards you. You could do nothing but watch and sigh as you felt the heat of his tongue press against your breast. Moving carefully, he dragged it up across your breast, only stopping when he heard you give a choked sound.

He didn’t stay still for long. Feeling you react to his touch and hearing the noise that you hadn’t been able to keep from escaping, he couldn’t help but repeat what he had done. This time, more certain of what he was doing, Dimitri put more force behind it and lingered for longer. Just as he had hoped, it got a better reaction. You grumbled as you felt him begin to move his tongue with more regularity, settling in on what he was doing. It wasn’t fair. You didn’t want him to be touching you, regardless of how good it felt.

You raised a hand towards his head as he continued but caught yourself. Though he had started exploratorily, it didn’t take long for Dimitri to take your breast into his mouth. Pushing him away would be nothing but dangerous. The thought left your hand, leaving it to fall against the side of his head. Too caught up with how his tongue was moving against your breast, you hardly felt how soft his hair was, even after all that had happened.

Feeling your touch, Dimitri glanced up at you. Seeing how you were looking at him, he forced himself to pull away. He wasn’t being fair, and the flush of your cheeks told him that.

With Dimitri parting with your breast, while you thought you might find an opportunity to push yourself up the bed and away from him, you were kept firmly against the bed. His grip on you weakened as he set his tongue down against your other breast. The groan you gave told him that he was right to continue onto the other. It had been wrong to neglect it.

Although you had raised the hand when Dimitri had moved, you let the hand fall against his head just as it had earlier. Some part of you knew that it was doing nothing more than encouraging Dimitri and yet you couldn’t bring yourself to pull it away. By leaving it there, feeling the slight movement of his head as he ran his tongue across your breast, you felt as if you had some say in what was happening.

Even when Dimitri withdrew his tongue, he didn’t pull away. He kept himself lowered over you, and looked up at you. Though your breasts were chilled where he had touched you with his tongue, his breath was warm against your skin.

“(name),” Dimitri called out, dropping his voice to a mere whisper. The two of you were alone yet he spoke as if someone else might overhear. “You’re the only person I feel at ease with.”

The hand that you had come to rest in his hair had never fallen away and he leaned into it, waiting for your reply. He needed to hear you say something, anything, even if it wasn’t in reply. He needed to know that you had heard what he had said.

Working up the nerve, you looked towards him and froze as you were. If you had been able to speak before, you lost any such chance by doing so now. Underneath the exhaustion and suffering that the past five years had brought, the man resting on you and holding you in his arms was without a doubt Dimitri. While you could see no trace of it when he had turned towards you earlier, you could see that there _was_ something behind that eye. Your Dimitri was still there, somewhere.

That being said, you couldn’t say a single word back to him, not even his name. Unable to speak, the fingers that were holding his head called out to him instead, burying themselves deeper in his hair. You wished that they could say what you couldn’t, that you felt as strongly about him as he did you, but that this wasn’t how things were supposed to happen. You didn’t want what he was doing.

Pulling himself towards you, Dimitri kissed your cheek. Perfectly chaste, it was the kiss a prince would give to the hand of a lady, light and not lingering. Another kiss followed elsewhere on your cheek, then a third against your lips. By then there wasn’t as much as a hint of the restraint he had showed with the first kiss. With Dimitri holding you so tightly, squeezing at your sides, you couldn’t help but part your lips and let him in.

Though he was doing nothing more than following instinct, what Dimitri was doing felt right. His tongue knew what to do, and he knew how to hold you so that you wouldn’t shy away. Even when he did pull away, something done out of necessity and not desire, he couldn’t help but lean back in. You turned away as Dimitri tried to return what he had been doing, forcing him to instead set a kiss against your cheek. He didn’t force it. He understood. He was growing restless as well.

His right hand slid down your body, moving with urgency for once. It didn’t linger anywhere, skipping over scars that he would ask about later. Just as he planned on dealing with those who had opposed him, Dimitri would serve justice to those who had marred your skin.

Feeling his hand touch you, you choked on a gasp. As light a touch as it had been, there was nothing accidental about what he had done. Though Dimitri shouldn’t have been touching you at all, touching you there was unforgivable.

Even if it had been an accident, his hand drifting inwards from your thigh in a moment of weakness, what followed could not be thought of as an accident by any means. He pressed his fingers against you, moving them just slightly enough to feel you. Slipping his fingers past what little fabric was there, he sighed. As if he needed to be any more certain, what he felt told him that you felt just as strongly as he did. There was no denying how wet you were.

With him resting between your legs, there was nothing you could do. While your legs tried to shut or to at least put some distance between the two of you, they achieved nothing but to wear you out. After a moment of trying to get your legs up, you abandoned the thought, deciding to save the energy for later.

Hearing your name, though you had been trying to keep your eyes anywhere but on him, you couldn’t help but look at him. Through his hair, already beginning to stick to the sweat of his skin, you could see that his lips were moving. Not speaking, they were only going through the motions. Dimitri wanted to tell you what he thought, to tell you how beautiful you were and how long he had been looking forward to this, but when he went to do so it felt wrong. The time for speaking had passed.

The only sound he made was a grumble as he realized that he had gotten ahead of himself. Lifting his weight from you just for a moment, he drew his hand away from where it had been and reached towards his own body. As he began to work his pants down his legs, he regretted not doing it sooner.

As you had done so many times already, you averted your eyes. Although you knew what was happening and had a rough idea of what you would see, you couldn’t bring yourself to look.

“We’re not married,” you insisted, the words coming out in a whine. Hoping that it would matter more to Dimitri than it did to you, you would have said anything that might have stopped him. Looking down at you, Dimitri did nothing more than shake his head. You had nothing to worry about. He would right things. The child that you would bear for him would not be a bastard, but rather his rightful heir. The first of many. Any woman would be elated to be so honoured, and he had chosen you.

The dead asked much of him. They pleaded with him to do what they couldn’t, to take revenge on Edelgard and the Empire, and to give their deaths meaning. So many days he sat idle, wishing that he could right things but unable to. But no matter how hard he fought, he couldn’t satisfy their pleas yet. He could do nothing more than listen.

Yet amidst their cries, their calls for revenge, he heard one demand that he could fulfill. The last survivor of his royal line, he needed an heir. If he were to fall in battle, there would be no one left to right things. Though he often thought of death as repentance for what he had done, he couldn’t let his line die with him no more than he could allow Edelgard to live.

With Dimitri working the very last piece of clothing down your legs, it gave you the chance to cover yourself. Not caring about the breasts that he had already seen so much of, you set your hand lower. Feeling your own wet on your fingers, you almost recoiled yet forced yourself to keep your hand where it was.

It had been a mistake to use your dominant arm. Not feeling the ache of earlier thanks to your adrenaline, you were only reminded of what had happened when Dimitri grabbed your arm once more. Your arm shook as he moved it aside an inch at a time. As badly as it wanted to comply with what you asked of it, it couldn’t. The muscles of your arm ached, and they begged you to let them rest. It was nothing like the ache of overtraining, or even of that of the battlefield. You had felt this pain very few times in your life. It was the ache of life and death struggle.

Looking at you no differently than he had been earlier, Dimitri didn’t look as much as inconvenienced. The expression he wore was soft, merely waiting for you to relax. It was right to be nervous, even though there was no need for you to be.

Loosening the grip he held on your arm but not giving up the gains he had made, Dimitri did nothing more than look at you. Bundling everything he felt into a few short words, he spoke.

“I love you,” he said quietly.

Just as he had let the strength leave his arm, Dimitri felt you let the strength out of yours. Sighing, you let it fall to the side. It didn’t matter what he had said, he could have said anything. Your arm would break if you held it there any longer.

Muttering your name, Dimitri let himself down onto you. Though his skin had been pressed against yours earlier, holding your entire body against his he felt as if he was touching you for the first time. Wrapping his arms around you as best as he could, he could feel almost every inch of you underneath him. You were so warm. Despite how much he had learned about you, there were things that yet escaped him. He needed to know you as a man knew his wife.

You couldn’t help but wince as you felt him begin to slide himself into you. Even though you had known it was coming, there was no way for you to prepare yourself for what you were feeling. Nor could you escape it. With Dimitri atop you, you could do nothing but feel how you were being stretched.

Dimitri gave a whispered apology, repeating it when he heard the sounds that rose from low in your throat. They weren’t the sounds that he wanted to be earning from you.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, pressing a kiss against you. No truer words had ever been spoken. He hated seeing you like this, yet it couldn’t be helped. No matter how careful he was or how slowly he moved, there was no avoiding it. All he could do was help you through it, reassuring you as best he could.

“It hurts,” you told him, looking for any sort of reprieve. You found none. No matter how you tried to move your hips, you achieved nothing more than encouraging him. Whenever you moved, Dimitri couldn’t help but want to be closer to you.

“I’m sorry,” he insisted quietly. Though he was apologetic, he left no room for anything to be done differently. He kept moving, burying himself deeper and deeper inside of you. Too caught up in what he was doing, you couldn’t stop yourself from letting out a whine. Every time he paused and you thought you might find some relief, you were proven wrong.

Feeling you writhe underneath him, Dimitri couldn’t help himself. Your legs were beginning to rise up his sides, your feet just brushing against him. You didn’t need to speak for him to understand what you were asking. You wanted him, all of him.

Dimitri made no effort to hide how he felt, giving a groan as he thrust himself inside you. Though you gasped, you made no further sound as you waited for it to pass. It had hurt when he had been sliding into you but now that he had come to a stop, it was beginning to fade. There was a distinct pressure, something that you had never felt even when you had used your fingers, but the pain was nothing more than an ache. Feeling Dimitri shift his weight, a sigh forced its way out of your throat. To call it an ache might not be right. An ache was something unpleasant. 

Just as you thought you were used to the feeling of having Dimitri inside you, he moved, drawing his cock out of you until no more than the tip remained. Even that felt like too much.

For whatever reason, you were almost grateful when he slid himself back into you. Although you didn’t want him to return, your body did. It welcomed him back for every stroke, tensing around him. Just as much as what Dimitri was doing, your response to him what out of your control. As was what you were feeling. That hard-to-define ache settled in more with every movement Dimitri made.

You couldn’t help but grumble. Whenever you touched yourself like that, you were in control of what your fingers did. Your fingers curled when you wanted them to, and they went where you were expecting them to. If something was too much, you could pull them away. The same couldn’t be said for Dimitri.

“Stop it,” you gasped. Though you were surprised to hear your own voice, you were thankful. Not able to accept what was happening, you had allowed things to go too far.

Yet even though you had spoken, your hips continued to follow Dimitri. They didn’t have a choice. He needed to be the one to stop. Your body wouldn’t listen to you and even if it had been willing to listen to you, you wouldn’t have been able to do anything anyway. Nothing in your life had ever felt so futile.

“What’s wrong?” he breathed, just barely able to get the words out. Learning as he went, Dimitri was trying his best to stop himself from letting his body doing what it wanted to but it was a struggle. It had been difficult from the moment he had first slipped his cock inside you. Each breath was hard fought.

Realizing that what you had said was more than just a whisper and that it was something that needed acknowledgment, he had turned his ear towards you but didn’t stop how he has moving. He couldn’t risk losing the rhythm he had fallen into, not when it was the right one for both of you.

Even with Dimitri giving you the opportunity to speak, you couldn’t. Waiting to hear what you had to say, he was listening intently. Even if you were to only whisper, he would hear it.

Although you wanted to tell him that it hurt, and tell him to get off of you, you couldn’t. It would be a lie. What he was doing no longer hurt, and while you didn’t want what he was doing, if Dimitri were to try to pull away now you weren’t sure that you wouldn’t stop him. It wasn’t fair, but it couldn’t be helped.

“(name),” he spoke, the word coming out alongside a gasp. He had strayed too deep and both of you felt it. “I love you.”

As he continued to move, he continued to mutter quietly, though with each word his voice grew more and more hoarse. Before long you couldn’t make out what he was saying, or even if it was meant for you. Over the sound of your breathing and the sound of his skin hitting yours, you could hardly hear anything at all.

Looking up at him you caught sight of your arm. As much as it hurt to move you would have remembered lifting it and yet it was resting on his back. Holding onto him as he moved, you could feel how it was straining his back. Angling your wrist only a little, you moved your hand to where you felt it should be. As slight a gesture as it was, it meant the world to Dimitri. It was enough to drive him forward, enough for both of you to groan as he thrust himself with more enthusiasm than ever before. 

As if straining against the air, your toes curled. You hadn’t thought that things could get away worse. You had been doing your best to ignore the mounting pressure but the sudden change had taken you by surprise. Your focus broken, everything that had happened and was happening was catching up with you all at once.

“Please,” you begged him, but it was something said out of nothing more than desperation. There was nothing more than could be done. No amount of begging and pleading would do anything for you. It hadn’t before and it wouldn’t now.

“It’s alright,” was what Dimitri wanted to say, but he choked on the words. Before he had as much as taken the breath to speak, he had felt your fingers start to dig into his back and felt your back start to arch. As he started to speak you interrupted him, calling his name. As if he needed any other sign, he could feel how you tightened around him.

Although he tried his best not to let it get to him, after only a moment more of moving he couldn’t. It was all too much. If it had only been your warmth around him, or how right it felt to thrust himself into you he could have held out longer. But it was more than that. It would how you were clinging onto him, and the noises that you couldn’t stop from escaping.

You breathed a sigh as you felt him finish. Though earlier you thought that you couldn’t take anything more, you felt more full with things as they were now. The heat was deeper inside you than anything you had ever known, though you weren’t sure whether that was his fault or yours for allowing yourself to enjoy what he been doing.

Dimitri was slow to pull away, savouring the feeling of being inside you. No sooner than he withdrew did he miss your warmth but found some comfort when he pulled you into his arms and you reached out for him. Though your limbs were hardly bothering to listen to you, reaching out for him was done out of your desire to do so. You needed something to ground yourself with.

Holding you tightly against him, you could hear him panting. Though you were tired and needed a chance to catch your breath, Dimitri was choking on the air. He couldn’t remember the last time that he had felt so alive. Although he didn’t know quite when, at some point during the past five years he had become numb to the rush of battle. Brushes with death that should have reminded him how lucky he was to be alive were nothing more than annoyances, reminders that he had faltered.

Feeling his own breath fall into line with yours, Dimitri allowed himself to relax. Running your fingers across his skin in search of scars just as he had done to you, you found that his back was no longer pulled taut. The muscles were still there, just resting for now.

Though he didn’t want to move, Dimitri had no choice but to pry himself away from you and get up. With the sweat starting to dry and cool him off, Dimitri knew that you must be feeling it as well. If he had been sleeping alone he might not have cared enough to move, deciding to put up with the cold out of sheer apathy, he wouldn’t put you through such a thing. He cared for you more than he cared for himself.

As slowly as you moved to do so, you got under the covers with him. It was too cold not to. Though the air itself wasn’t cold, you were used to the warmth of Dimitri’s arms. You didn’t hesitate to let him take you into them.

Dimitri slept that night. Although he would often nod off in the morning when he visited the church, or in the afternoon after picking at the lunch’s leftovers he had swiped from the meal hall, he hardly ever slept, and never at night. He would steal a couple of hours at a time, just enough to keep him going. 

He hated sleeping, and even more so at night. There was nothing worse than lying in a darkened room, alone except for his thoughts, begging the Goddess to grant him some mercy. He had taken to roaming the halls at night just to escape the voices that were almost always louder in his room. Having awoken to the dawn, while the voices of his ancestors were whispering out him, that’s all they were. Whispers.

Louder than anything else, Dimitri heard you stirring next to him. A pair in perfect sync, he had woken only a few moments before you. Though he would have liked to watch you for just a moment longer, the slight movements of someone in a restless sleep.

Barely registering the person lying next to you, you sat up as always did when you woke. If you didn’t sit yourself up you would inevitably fall back to sleep. Somewhere in between awake and sleep, you tried to hurry the process along. You were awake enough to remember where you were and what happened.

A hand touched your side, trying to get you to lie back down. There was nowhere either of you needed to be. Just as he could see the move his enemy would make before they took it, Dimitri could feel what you were thinking of doing. As tired as you were, you had no energy to disguise it. You were planning on getting out of bed.

“Don’t leave me.” For once, Dimitri wasn’t telling you what to do. His words had no edge to them. He was asking you to stay. He didn’t want to be apart from you, even if only for a moment.

“I need to use the washroom,” you told him. Although it wasn’t a lie, it wasn’t quite the truth either.

“I’ll be right back,” you assured him, reaching out towards him. You reached out towards him and set your hand against his cheek.

“Alright,” he murmured. As badly as he wanted to go with you, escorting you there, he dismissed his concern. 

His eye falling for a moment, when he looked back up at you it was with a smile. It wasn’t only a hint of a smile, but a real smile, so long now that you had forgotten what it looked like. Despite the undeniable exhaustion that was there, his expression was warm. 

It was gone in an instant, even before you pulled your hand away. After reassuring him with a parting kiss, you crept out of the room. Waiting only a moment to collect yourself, you started down the hall. Even though there were countless thoughts drifting through your mind, all vying for your attention, one kept coming to the forefront. You found that you were looking forward to the next time you might see that smile again. That was the Dimitri you knew.

You sighed, and were almost surprised that you couldn’t see the breath. The early morning air was cool and while you had quickly pulled your clothes on, they didn’t do much to help. For both your sake and Dimitri’s, you hurried down the hall, treading the line between walking and running.

Peeking around the corner and seeing Ingrid coming towards you, you changed course and looked down another. Though you needed to get to the Professor’s quarters quickly, you didn’t want to encounter anyone on your way there. More than just wasting what precious little time you had, you didn’t think that you could bring yourself to look them in the eyes, let alone talk to them. Just the thought gave you an odd sense of dread that you couldn’t explain.

Looking down yet another hall, you breathed a sigh of relief. All the time that you had lost trying to avoid people had paid off. You had found your Professor, walking towards you even.

“Professor!” you called out, waving them towards you. Sensing that it was serious, they quickened their pace and didn’t keep you waiting. Rushing over towards you, their coat trailed behind them as if it was trying to keep up.

Now standing before you, even though your Professor was giving you a patient, welcoming look, you couldn’t help but let your eyes fall towards the ground. Everything was so different than what you had imagined. Although you hadn’t expected the words to come naturally, you hadn’t expected things to be quite this difficult. You wished that someone else could say the words for you, or that your Professor would say them and you would only have to nod. Actually speaking the words felt like an admission of sorts. 

“I think you need to look into Senna,” you told them, speaking one word at a time. Of the bunch, the Knight’s name was the hardest to say. “I saw her talking to a courier and I don’t think she was sending a personal message.”

While the Professor saw nothing more than concern in your eyes, it wasn’t necessary for Senna. The lie came out too effortlessly. They always did.

Mirroring your concern, your Professor looked back at you.

“Are you alright?” they asked, gesturing at your arm. Your thoughts centered around Senna, you had to look down to see what they were pointing at. Your arm had begun to bruise, just as you thought it would. Although the mark was faint and the shape not yet obvious, it was clear that it would darken and become defined.

You returned your focus to your Professor. It had been wrong to keep what Dimitri had asked of you from them, you knew that now. You knew that Dimitri was going through things that you couldn’t help him with, and you knew that wouldn’t improve without help. 

“Ahh, I tripped last night,” you told them, waving your other hand as you spoke. “There’s some loose cobblestones in my hall.”

But you couldn’t betray him. As bad as things were, betraying him would only serve to worsen things. 

Nodding slowly, giving you a moment to say something, your Professor turned away. Although your concern about Senna wouldn’t prompt too much concern usually, with everyone being on edge thanks to the war, they had heard other things from other people. Such concern couldn’t continue to be taken so lightly.

Just as they had hurried towards you, they hurried off, though in a direction different than the one they had been walking. You watched them for as long as you could, before turning around just as they had. Although few words were exchanged, your conversation with the Professor had taken longer than you had expected.

You sighed as your knuckles grazed the door. So used to waiting on him to let you in, you had almost forgotten what had happened. His room was now as much yours as it was his.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Dimitri turned towards you. Your timing couldn’t have been better. Just a moment or two later and the two of you would have met in the hall. He realized too late that he shouldn’t have let you leave. With Senna still about, it wasn’t safe.

“Come here,” he called out, beckoning you with his hand. You never should have left the bed. You should be next to him, twisted up in the blankets, and if you were cold despite that he would have taken his cloak and wrapped it around you.

Standing right by the door, you could have turned around and left. There were no hands holding you, or arms wrapped around you. There wasn’t a thing stopping you from leaving except for how Dimitri was looking at you. His eye trained right on you, he was looking at you as if in a fairytale. Having caught your eyes from across the ballroom, everyone else faded away. You were the only other person he saw, and the only other person he needed.

Although your legs ached as did so, you took those few steps towards him and took his hand. To have kept it waiting for so long was cruel. Regardless of what had happened, both in the five years that had passed, and last night, the man sitting before you was Dimitri, someone you could never hope to turn your back on. He was reaching out to you; you had to take that hand.

Smiling, Dimitri wrapped his hand around yours and helped you into bed. As he leaned back, he let you fall onto him and into his arms. Dimitri squeezing your waist and pulling you close, it was how things should have been last night. Just the two of you at ease with each other. 

\---

You weren’t sure how to react when you heard that Senna was guilty. You didn’t feel upset that someone you had known for so long wasn’t who you thought them to be, nor were you glad to have found the traitor in your midst. And while you did feel relieved to be able to set the ordeal behind you, “relief” was too strong a feeling.

Whatever it was that you felt, you couldn’t bring yourself to go to the execution. Dimitri had asked you to go, but feigning illness you had stayed behind. More than the act of the execution itself, you didn’t want to see who was committing it. You had enough of an idea of who it would be. Dimitri spoke of the event fondly and with too much detail, but only when the two of you were alone.

Although you had only pretended to be ill the day of the execution, a couple of months later you were no longer pretending. No food sat right with you, and when you woke you were often nauseous. You didn’t need to go to the infirmary to know what it was. With Dimitri staying true to his word, he had married you in a small ceremony, nothing more than to make things right in the eyes of the Goddess. The two of you hadn’t spent a night apart since.

As uncertain as you were about your future, what the end result of your struggle against the Empire would be, there was one single thing you knew for certain. Whatever happened, Dimitri would be there with you. He wouldn’t let things be any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write a piece about Dimitri "venting his frustration" on a friend of Edelgard, but thinking that was too cruel I wrote this instead. Somehow I feel this might have been worse.


End file.
